11/5/16
I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord. —Hosea 2:20
TODAY’S DARE
Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, “I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don’t love me in return.”
Journal Questions:
why is this kind of love and possible without the love of Christ beating in your heart? How does his presence within you enable you to love, even when it's primarily one-sided?
My responses:
Day 21: Love is satisfied in God *
11/4/16
The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire. —Isaiah 58:11
TODAY’S DARE
Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thirty-one—a full month’s supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.
Journal Questions:
how do you think spending time daily with God will change your situation in perspective? How can you make him a bigger part of your day?
My responses:
The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire. —Isaiah 58:11
TODAY’S DARE
Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thirty-one—a full month’s supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.
Journal Questions:
how do you think spending time daily with God will change your situation in perspective? How can you make him a bigger part of your day?
My responses:
Day 20: Love is Jesus Christ
11/3/16
While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. —Romans 5:6
TODAY’S DARE
Dare to take God at His Word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, “Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace.”
Journal Questions:
Write about what this experience has been like for you. Even if you are only renewing your commitment to receive an express his love, what has He shown you today?
My responses:
I said this prayer for the first time Aug 9, 1999. It was like a seed was planted in my heart and I watered it, I tended it. I sought after God's heart to change my life from what it was. I immersed myself in Worship CD's and did every Bible Study I could get my hands on. I became a Born Again Christian and I became single and celibate for the next 5 years. I dated B and became pregnant. After I had Zachary, I again remained Celibate and did not date again until 8 years later.
What he has shown me today is that He is proud of me. I have changed, I have put in the work, the effort, the investment. I have shown my loyalty, even though I had my rough patches of back sliding. My son knows the Lord, he is invested, he prays. I am a good Teacher of His word and a good witness with my life. I am a blessing to others in His name and I am bearing good fruits. Most importantly, I stand firm on His word.
While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. —Romans 5:6
TODAY’S DARE
Dare to take God at His Word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, “Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace.”
Journal Questions:
Write about what this experience has been like for you. Even if you are only renewing your commitment to receive an express his love, what has He shown you today?
My responses:
I said this prayer for the first time Aug 9, 1999. It was like a seed was planted in my heart and I watered it, I tended it. I sought after God's heart to change my life from what it was. I immersed myself in Worship CD's and did every Bible Study I could get my hands on. I became a Born Again Christian and I became single and celibate for the next 5 years. I dated B and became pregnant. After I had Zachary, I again remained Celibate and did not date again until 8 years later.
What he has shown me today is that He is proud of me. I have changed, I have put in the work, the effort, the investment. I have shown my loyalty, even though I had my rough patches of back sliding. My son knows the Lord, he is invested, he prays. I am a good Teacher of His word and a good witness with my life. I am a blessing to others in His name and I am bearing good fruits. Most importantly, I stand firm on His word.
Day 19: Love is impossible
11/2/16
Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. —1 John 4:7
TODAY’S DARE
Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.
Journal Questions:
What do you believe God is saying to you? Is this a stirring in your heart? What decision have you made in response to this?
My responses:
None of the days were "impossible" however, the first couple were hard only because it was when I gave the birds away and Steve was so cold and distant. This is how he has been most of our relationship. I pressed and loved unconditionally (regardless if he deserved it or not) So, I am now growing weary because there is still (after 3 years) very little reciprocation. What is stirring in my heart isn't a good thought. I recognize the difference between God's command to "love unconditionally" and love being agape or romantic. I can love him unconditionally, but I don't feel the romantic love very much anymore.
Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. —1 John 4:7
TODAY’S DARE
Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.
Journal Questions:
What do you believe God is saying to you? Is this a stirring in your heart? What decision have you made in response to this?
My responses:
None of the days were "impossible" however, the first couple were hard only because it was when I gave the birds away and Steve was so cold and distant. This is how he has been most of our relationship. I pressed and loved unconditionally (regardless if he deserved it or not) So, I am now growing weary because there is still (after 3 years) very little reciprocation. What is stirring in my heart isn't a good thought. I recognize the difference between God's command to "love unconditionally" and love being agape or romantic. I can love him unconditionally, but I don't feel the romantic love very much anymore.
Day 18: Love seeks to understand
11/1/16
How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding. —Proverbs 3:13
TODAY’S DARE
Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.
Journal Questions:
What did you learn about your spouse that you didn't know before? How could you continue this process of discovery in other ways, and other times? What were some of the moments that made this evening memorable?
My responses:
I didn't do this dinner part. I will plan to do it next available night.
However, I always engage him in conversation when he is telling me things, I use "interview" questions, trying to learn all I can/ I am interested and show me that I am with my body language and my words.
How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding. —Proverbs 3:13
TODAY’S DARE
Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.
Journal Questions:
What did you learn about your spouse that you didn't know before? How could you continue this process of discovery in other ways, and other times? What were some of the moments that made this evening memorable?
My responses:
However, I always engage him in conversation when he is telling me things, I use "interview" questions, trying to learn all I can/ I am interested and show me that I am with my body language and my words.
Day 17: Love promotes intimacy
10/31/16
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. —Proverbs 17:9 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.
Journal Questions:
Given that the safer people feel, the more they open up, what does this say about your marriage in the past? How hard is it for you to listen and hold back from saying something, critical or otherwise? What have you learned about your spouse today, simply from listening?
My responses:
I did half of this. I've never told his Secrets and I don't gossip. I prayed today, as I always do, for his priorities, his relationship, his future wife, his fathehood.
We don't really communicate; whether it's good or bad. He doesn't share many things with me for me to practice this. But, when he does tell me things and/or secrets I am always engaging, encouraging, edifying and supportive. I try to use godly correction according to God's word.
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. —Proverbs 17:9 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.
Journal Questions:
Given that the safer people feel, the more they open up, what does this say about your marriage in the past? How hard is it for you to listen and hold back from saying something, critical or otherwise? What have you learned about your spouse today, simply from listening?
My responses:
I did half of this. I've never told his Secrets and I don't gossip. I prayed today, as I always do, for his priorities, his relationship, his future wife, his fathehood.
We don't really communicate; whether it's good or bad. He doesn't share many things with me for me to practice this. But, when he does tell me things and/or secrets I am always engaging, encouraging, edifying and supportive. I try to use godly correction according to God's word.
Day 16: Love intercedes
10/30/16
Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. —3 John 2
TODAY’S DARE
Begin praying today for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.
Journal Questions:
How have you experienced the power of Prayer in the past? What did you choose to pray about? Was it easy for you, or did it feel foreign to you?
My responses:
I pray for him every day, or almost every day. I pray for him whenever he comes upon my heart. I did the 31 Days of Prayer for My Husband with Proverbs 31 Wife last month. I pray all the time before our issues get big. It comes easily, it's not foreign at all. I prayed about: His ability to walk in love, his priorities and his responsibilities.
Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. —3 John 2
TODAY’S DARE
Begin praying today for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.
Journal Questions:
How have you experienced the power of Prayer in the past? What did you choose to pray about? Was it easy for you, or did it feel foreign to you?
My responses:
I pray for him every day, or almost every day. I pray for him whenever he comes upon my heart. I did the 31 Days of Prayer for My Husband with Proverbs 31 Wife last month. I pray all the time before our issues get big. It comes easily, it's not foreign at all. I prayed about: His ability to walk in love, his priorities and his responsibilities.
Day 15: Love is honorable
10/29/16
Live with your wives in an understanding way... and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life. —1 Peter 3:7
TODAY’S DARE
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.
Journal Questions:
How did you choose to show on honor? What was the result? What are some other ways you could demonstrate honor in the coming days?
My responses:
I always do this. I engage in conversation, turn off anything: TV, phone, and I ask questions, I engaged and I feel with him.
Live with your wives in an understanding way... and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life. —1 Peter 3:7
TODAY’S DARE
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.
Journal Questions:
How did you choose to show on honor? What was the result? What are some other ways you could demonstrate honor in the coming days?
My responses:
I always do this. I engage in conversation, turn off anything: TV, phone, and I ask questions, I engaged and I feel with him.
Day 14: Love takes delight
10/28/16
Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life. —Ecclesiastes 9:9 HCSB
TODAY’S DARE
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just be together.
Journal Questions:
What did you decide to give up? What did you do together? How did it go? What new thing did you learn or we learned about you spouse?
My responses: I gave up staying out of the bedroom and keeping busy to avoid him. Like I did yesterday. Although last night it was cleaning organizing and writing update 13 rules of fighting Fair because he's not really ready to and has been asked several times how did it go? We didn't talk we were on two sides of the bed I gave him the opportunity to talk to me because my last words were an email he refused to respond to me
Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life. —Ecclesiastes 9:9 HCSB
TODAY’S DARE
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just be together.
Journal Questions:
What did you decide to give up? What did you do together? How did it go? What new thing did you learn or we learned about you spouse?
My responses: I gave up staying out of the bedroom and keeping busy to avoid him. Like I did yesterday. Although last night it was cleaning organizing and writing update 13 rules of fighting Fair because he's not really ready to and has been asked several times how did it go? We didn't talk we were on two sides of the bed I gave him the opportunity to talk to me because my last words were an email he refused to respond to me
Day 13: Love fights fair (rules)
10/27/16
If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. —Mark 3:25
TODAY’S DARE
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.
Journal Questions:
If your spouse participate with you, what was their response? What rules did you write for yourself?
My responses:
I began my "fighting fair" rules way back 4 months ago when at Couples Therapy we decided to create the rules. It had been talked about for about 6 months by then already. I have brought it up to Steve several times, he never engages in creating the list.
This list is under "Construction" - additions, changes and deletions etc.
- No procrastinations. We practice the preventative, proactive and restorative approach.
- We practice effective listening: active and empathetic listening, problem Solving and conflict Resolution
- Time-Out - We get a time out if we get too heated, but must come back to the discussion that night.
- No Blow-Offs. If we both agree to set it for another night, we can, but must follow through -- no sweeping it under the carpet.
- We are allowed to express and show emotions--they are supported NOT yelled at.
- We are allowed to disagree and need to come to a resolution we both agree on, and follow through.
- We are allowed to remind each other to enforce these rules / or rules being broken.
- We never walk out on the other and don't come back.
- No holding back, issues are discussed immediately, or soon after a disagreement or a day set - and it's stuck to.
- No extreme defensiveness--explanations are allowed.
- Maybe set a time frame so we don't go on for hours.
- Hear each other out completely. No one gets shut down or ignored.
- EACH person must contribute and invest. (No blaming for "talking at" since both sides talk.)
- It's a safe place where we are able to express ourselves and our issues and be accepted.
- No refusing to talk, dismissing, ignoring.
- No acting out to shut the other one down or aggressive behavior.
"When you intentionally injure your partner, it’s like saying, “You are not safe with me. I will do whatever it takes to defend and protect myself or to win.”
Definitions: Name-calling vs. Naming a behavior.
Name-calling is a negative nasty name that's intended to hurt or get someone to shut down, an untruth by action. ie DB, loser, piece of crap.
However, naming a behavior is NOT the same as name-calling and can be used to define the way a person is indeed acting.
i.e.
Jerk: being rude, ignoring you, acting.
Irresponsible: He didn't pay his bills.
Immature: acting child like, defiant, argumentative for no good reason.
Insensitive: Not validating your hurt feelings and acting compassionate.
If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. —Mark 3:25
TODAY’S DARE
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.
Journal Questions:
If your spouse participate with you, what was their response? What rules did you write for yourself?
My responses:
I began my "fighting fair" rules way back 4 months ago when at Couples Therapy we decided to create the rules. It had been talked about for about 6 months by then already. I have brought it up to Steve several times, he never engages in creating the list.
This list is under "Construction" - additions, changes and deletions etc.
- No procrastinations. We practice the preventative, proactive and restorative approach.
- We practice effective listening: active and empathetic listening, problem Solving and conflict Resolution
- Time-Out - We get a time out if we get too heated, but must come back to the discussion that night.
- No Blow-Offs. If we both agree to set it for another night, we can, but must follow through -- no sweeping it under the carpet.
- We are allowed to express and show emotions--they are supported NOT yelled at.
- We are allowed to disagree and need to come to a resolution we both agree on, and follow through.
- We are allowed to remind each other to enforce these rules / or rules being broken.
- We never walk out on the other and don't come back.
- No holding back, issues are discussed immediately, or soon after a disagreement or a day set - and it's stuck to.
- No extreme defensiveness--explanations are allowed.
- Maybe set a time frame so we don't go on for hours.
- Hear each other out completely. No one gets shut down or ignored.
- EACH person must contribute and invest. (No blaming for "talking at" since both sides talk.)
- It's a safe place where we are able to express ourselves and our issues and be accepted.
- No refusing to talk, dismissing, ignoring.
- No acting out to shut the other one down or aggressive behavior.
"When you intentionally injure your partner, it’s like saying, “You are not safe with me. I will do whatever it takes to defend and protect myself or to win.”
Definitions: Name-calling vs. Naming a behavior.
Name-calling is a negative nasty name that's intended to hurt or get someone to shut down, an untruth by action. ie DB, loser, piece of crap.
However, naming a behavior is NOT the same as name-calling and can be used to define the way a person is indeed acting.
i.e.
Jerk: being rude, ignoring you, acting.
Irresponsible: He didn't pay his bills.
Immature: acting child like, defiant, argumentative for no good reason.
Insensitive: Not validating your hurt feelings and acting compassionate.
Day 12: Love lets the other win
10/26/16
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. —Philippians 2:4
TODAY’S DARE
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.
Journal Questions:
What issue did you choose? What did giving in cost you? How will this help you in the future?
My responses: Being left out of J's birthday night. I didn't tell him and kept it to myself. It really hurt me that he didn't invite me to dinner before the game. Regardless if he thought I'd go he didn't even ask and that hurt me deeply he did this that says his 21st birthday as well. Didn't invite me. But his whole family and friends went. He doesn't make plans making sure it includes, or ask me to help with plans or anything--he always pushes me aside.
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. —Philippians 2:4
TODAY’S DARE
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.
Journal Questions:
What issue did you choose? What did giving in cost you? How will this help you in the future?
My responses: Being left out of J's birthday night. I didn't tell him and kept it to myself. It really hurt me that he didn't invite me to dinner before the game. Regardless if he thought I'd go he didn't even ask and that hurt me deeply he did this that says his 21st birthday as well. Didn't invite me. But his whole family and friends went. He doesn't make plans making sure it includes, or ask me to help with plans or anything--he always pushes me aside.
Day 11: Love cherishes
10/25/16
Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. —Ephesians 5:28
TODAY’S DARE
What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.
Journal Questions: How did you choose to show that you cherish your mate? What did you learn from this experience
My responses:
I appreciated his gesture of coffee and the card, letting him know how much it meant to me--sincerely looking in his eyes and saying it. Also, that I appreciate it even though the book day 3 he's on told him to do it. When he pulled me to the side of his body and rubbed his chest. I have been holding back touch from him because he's never responded or reciprocated. So I've been feeling extremely rejected. I fought the urge to not touch him tonight and I did choose to do the unconditional love Way--based on my commitment to love him.
I know I could do it even if I didn't feel like it, because it's what he may have needed to feel cherished.
Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. —Ephesians 5:28
TODAY’S DARE
What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.
Journal Questions: How did you choose to show that you cherish your mate? What did you learn from this experience
My responses:
I appreciated his gesture of coffee and the card, letting him know how much it meant to me--sincerely looking in his eyes and saying it. Also, that I appreciate it even though the book day 3 he's on told him to do it. When he pulled me to the side of his body and rubbed his chest. I have been holding back touch from him because he's never responded or reciprocated. So I've been feeling extremely rejected. I fought the urge to not touch him tonight and I did choose to do the unconditional love Way--based on my commitment to love him.
I know I could do it even if I didn't feel like it, because it's what he may have needed to feel cherished.
Day 10: Love is unconditional
10/24/16
God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. —Romans 5:8
TODAY’S DARE
Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse—something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.
Journal Questions: Has your luck typically been based on your spouse's attributes and behavior, or have you based instead on your own commitment? How can you continue to show love when it's not returned in the way you hoped for?
My responses: I always do this, love unconditionally based on my own commitment. It's not based on "how I feel" or "what he's done". If it were based solely on what he's done, I'd be showing very little love. I don't have to choose to do it (most of the time), it's natural.
I went up the prayer without asking him and when I went up and prayed for them while they were praying with Pastor, even though he didn't invite me to come up with them after church. That was automatic, led by the spirit because of who I am.
--also I didn't tell him that day I felt left out, I didn't tell him until a week later when I listed many times he's left me out of important things.
God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. —Romans 5:8
TODAY’S DARE
Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse—something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.
Journal Questions: Has your luck typically been based on your spouse's attributes and behavior, or have you based instead on your own commitment? How can you continue to show love when it's not returned in the way you hoped for?
My responses: I always do this, love unconditionally based on my own commitment. It's not based on "how I feel" or "what he's done". If it were based solely on what he's done, I'd be showing very little love. I don't have to choose to do it (most of the time), it's natural.
I went up the prayer without asking him and when I went up and prayed for them while they were praying with Pastor, even though he didn't invite me to come up with them after church. That was automatic, led by the spirit because of who I am.
--also I didn't tell him that day I felt left out, I didn't tell him until a week later when I listed many times he's left me out of important things.
Day 9: Love makes good impressions
10/23/16
Greet one another with a kiss of love. —1 Peter 5:14
TODAY’S DARE
Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.
Journal Questions:
When and where did you choose to do your special greeting? How did your mate respond to a? How do you change your greeting from this point on?
My responses: I already do this. I already say "hi honey" and go to kiss him. But he's been coming out to greet me (getting bags or standing there hands on hips waiting for a kiss--as if I've forgotten him) I've been letting him hug me longer even though I feel that's for show.
His lack of enthusiasm, passion or desire for me is taking a toll on me mentally and emotionally. It has "dulled my shine" and brought my "burning passion of fire to a mere flicker." So, I feel bitter and resentful. The text messages niceties, "thank you" and "your welcome" are feeling superficial I don't feel included or appreciated, rather, I feel placated.
Greet one another with a kiss of love. —1 Peter 5:14
TODAY’S DARE
Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.
Journal Questions:
When and where did you choose to do your special greeting? How did your mate respond to a? How do you change your greeting from this point on?
My responses: I already do this. I already say "hi honey" and go to kiss him. But he's been coming out to greet me (getting bags or standing there hands on hips waiting for a kiss--as if I've forgotten him) I've been letting him hug me longer even though I feel that's for show.
His lack of enthusiasm, passion or desire for me is taking a toll on me mentally and emotionally. It has "dulled my shine" and brought my "burning passion of fire to a mere flicker." So, I feel bitter and resentful. The text messages niceties, "thank you" and "your welcome" are feeling superficial I don't feel included or appreciated, rather, I feel placated.
Day 8: Love is not jealous
10/22/16
Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. —Song of Solomon 8:6 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
Journal Questions:
How hard was it to destroy the list? What are some positive experiences that you can celebrate in the life of your mate? How can you encourage them toward future successes?
My responses: I told Steve how proud I was of him for how we handled J and the "talk: and punishments. I can keep praising him and encouraging him to repair his relationship with Devin and Caitlynn and encourage right and good things (and not drugs and irresponsibility). And I am already doing this.
Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. —Song of Solomon 8:6 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
Journal Questions:
How hard was it to destroy the list? What are some positive experiences that you can celebrate in the life of your mate? How can you encourage them toward future successes?
My responses: I told Steve how proud I was of him for how we handled J and the "talk: and punishments. I can keep praising him and encouraging him to repair his relationship with Devin and Caitlynn and encourage right and good things (and not drugs and irresponsibility). And I am already doing this.
Day 7: Love believes the best
10 21 16
Love believes all things, hopes all things. —1 Corinthians 13:7
TODAY’S DARE
For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.
Journal Questions: Which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about your thoughts? What attribute did you think your spouse for having?
My responses
The Negative things list was easier to make because there are a lot of things broken and our relationship. There are a lot of things that I wish were in the positive column.
What it revealed about my thoughts is: I have a lot more unhappy and negative things to focus on then positive things. It also revealed that Steve has a lot of work to do in order to put our relationship in the place that it should be. I find myself more frustrated going through this love dare because I'm doing the majority of the things and have been already.
I thanked him for allowing me to rescue animals during therapy last week and for allowing me to buy the things that we need for this house without question.
Positive: Works hard
Good provider
Allows me to spend money without questioning me
helpful to outsiders
handsome
desires to be healthy
Flexible with work guys
Financially pays for children, ex-wife and mother-in-law
Helps ex-mother-in-law
Is trying to learn how to fix things with the car
Allows me to rescue and rehome animals
Is a work in progress
Likes the music I like and going to music shows
Love believes all things, hopes all things. —1 Corinthians 13:7
TODAY’S DARE
For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.
Journal Questions: Which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about your thoughts? What attribute did you think your spouse for having?
My responses
The Negative things list was easier to make because there are a lot of things broken and our relationship. There are a lot of things that I wish were in the positive column.
What it revealed about my thoughts is: I have a lot more unhappy and negative things to focus on then positive things. It also revealed that Steve has a lot of work to do in order to put our relationship in the place that it should be. I find myself more frustrated going through this love dare because I'm doing the majority of the things and have been already.
I thanked him for allowing me to rescue animals during therapy last week and for allowing me to buy the things that we need for this house without question.
Positive: Works hard
Good provider
Allows me to spend money without questioning me
helpful to outsiders
handsome
desires to be healthy
Flexible with work guys
Financially pays for children, ex-wife and mother-in-law
Helps ex-mother-in-law
Is trying to learn how to fix things with the car
Allows me to rescue and rehome animals
Is a work in progress
Likes the music I like and going to music shows
Day 6: Love is not irritable
10/20/16
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. —Proverbs 16:32
TODAY’S DARE
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Journal questions: Where do you need to add margin (space to do things you don't get to) to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it? Consider what things you should say "no" to, so that you can be free to prioritize the "best things". What decisions have you made today?
My responses: I've already added margins. I put Steve and our family first, always. Everyday I look for ways to strengthen our bond and to fix what's broken with him, and recently started the Love Dare and we're doing "Saving Your Marriage before It Starts" workbook. I've carved out time each day to build and sustain my relationship with God with worship music, teaching tapes and Bible studies.
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. —Proverbs 16:32
TODAY’S DARE
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Journal questions: Where do you need to add margin (space to do things you don't get to) to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it? Consider what things you should say "no" to, so that you can be free to prioritize the "best things". What decisions have you made today?
My responses: I've already added margins. I put Steve and our family first, always. Everyday I look for ways to strengthen our bond and to fix what's broken with him, and recently started the Love Dare and we're doing "Saving Your Marriage before It Starts" workbook. I've carved out time each day to build and sustain my relationship with God with worship music, teaching tapes and Bible studies.
Day 5: Love is not rude
10/19/16 (on hold for him to catch up)
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. —Proverbs 27:14
TODAY’S DARE
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
What things did us both point out about you that need your attention? How did you handle hearing it? What do you plan to do to improve these areas?
1. How he treats my son and I.
2. No follow through on what he says he will do.
3. Refusee to accept suggestions: Ignores, inflexible, stubborn
I created my list. He has not. Our Couple's Therapist asked me to wait for him to catch up and have this done and talked about by 10/27 visit.
10/27 he still has not done this. (She had to postpone until Tue 11/1). 11/9 he has still not done it.
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. —Proverbs 27:14
TODAY’S DARE
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
What things did us both point out about you that need your attention? How did you handle hearing it? What do you plan to do to improve these areas?
1. How he treats my son and I.
2. No follow through on what he says he will do.
3. Refusee to accept suggestions: Ignores, inflexible, stubborn
I created my list. He has not. Our Couple's Therapist asked me to wait for him to catch up and have this done and talked about by 10/27 visit.
10/27 he still has not done this. (She had to postpone until Tue 11/1). 11/9 he has still not done it.
Day 4: Love is thoughtful
10/18/16
How precious also are Your thoughts to me. How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. —Psalm 139:17–18
TODAY’S DARE
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Journal questions: What did you learn about yourself or your spouse by doing this today? How could this become a more natural, routine, and genuinely helpful part of your lifestyle?
My responses: It already is. I didn't do this Love Dare today because I am consumed in sadness over the loss of my birds from several days ago. He has offered no support, has not even checked in with me to see if I was ok. I am trying to rise above this, but I cannot (right now). I feel all alone.
Several days later on a Sat I did this Love Dare. I checked in on him several times on text asking how he was doing. A situation arose with his son and inappropriate cell phone use and activities. He was very upset by it, surprised and hurt. I also made it clear how proud I was of him for how he handled it (taking my advice to remain calm and speak clearly)
How precious also are Your thoughts to me. How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. —Psalm 139:17–18
TODAY’S DARE
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Journal questions: What did you learn about yourself or your spouse by doing this today? How could this become a more natural, routine, and genuinely helpful part of your lifestyle?
My responses: It already is. I didn't do this Love Dare today because I am consumed in sadness over the loss of my birds from several days ago. He has offered no support, has not even checked in with me to see if I was ok. I am trying to rise above this, but I cannot (right now). I feel all alone.
Several days later on a Sat I did this Love Dare. I checked in on him several times on text asking how he was doing. A situation arose with his son and inappropriate cell phone use and activities. He was very upset by it, surprised and hurt. I also made it clear how proud I was of him for how he handled it (taking my advice to remain calm and speak clearly)
Day 3: Love is not selfish
10/17/16
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor. —Romans 12:10
TODAY’S DARE
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you today.”
Journal questions: What did you choose as the gift for your spouse? What happened when you gave it to them? What was their response?
My responses: I bought his favorite Devil Dogs and Cookies. He's come to expect treats and was not surprised. I very often bring back something for him. clothes, treats, anything he needs to show him I'm thinking of him.
Also, I convinced him to buy the Bruins tickets for him and his son, rather than taking me--as an unselfish act, by putting his son's happiness above mine. I know it's more important for his son to go than me, because he'll enjoy it more. But, nonetheless a selfish person would go regardless just to have the dinner and a night out.
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor. —Romans 12:10
TODAY’S DARE
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you today.”
Journal questions: What did you choose as the gift for your spouse? What happened when you gave it to them? What was their response?
My responses: I bought his favorite Devil Dogs and Cookies. He's come to expect treats and was not surprised. I very often bring back something for him. clothes, treats, anything he needs to show him I'm thinking of him.
Also, I convinced him to buy the Bruins tickets for him and his son, rather than taking me--as an unselfish act, by putting his son's happiness above mine. I know it's more important for his son to go than me, because he'll enjoy it more. But, nonetheless a selfish person would go regardless just to have the dinner and a night out.
Day 2: Love is kind
10/16/16
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. —Ephesians 4:32
TODAY’S DARE
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
Journal questions: What discoveries about love did you make today? What specifically did you do in this dare? How did you show kindness? How can you make this a daily habit?"
My responses: Well, I already do practice kindness as a daily habit. And that kindness has gotten me no appreciation, still I continue - but I am growing weary. I had to bake a cake for work. so I baked one for him too. I practiced unconditional (agape) love today with kindness, because I didn't "feel" like doing it and he certainly didn't deserve it after how he's abandoned me emotionally, physically and mentally the past two days.
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. —Ephesians 4:32
TODAY’S DARE
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
Journal questions: What discoveries about love did you make today? What specifically did you do in this dare? How did you show kindness? How can you make this a daily habit?"
My responses: Well, I already do practice kindness as a daily habit. And that kindness has gotten me no appreciation, still I continue - but I am growing weary. I had to bake a cake for work. so I baked one for him too. I practiced unconditional (agape) love today with kindness, because I didn't "feel" like doing it and he certainly didn't deserve it after how he's abandoned me emotionally, physically and mentally the past two days.
Day 1: Love is Patient
10/15/16
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. —Ephesians 4:2 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.
Journal questions: Did anything happen today to cause anger toward your mate? Were you temped to think disapproving thoughts and let them come out in words? How did you handle that?
My responses: First of all it said "say nothing negative" I'm not sure you can explain a hurt and have it not sound negative. But I really tried.
What happened was (a very big deal) and he took no responsibility for his failure yesterday (as usual) to be supportive to me in the way I need him to be. Support he knows I need, but refuses to do it because of his own extreme selfishness. He only responds when that issue that upsets me, affects him. I find myself thinking: "I cannot live with a man who refuses to, or could care less to, fill my basic emotional needs, especially the very important ones (like this one), he knows he should.
I handled it by going to a friend with my hurts, upset and anger. I cannot go to him because he turns it around on me each time, defensing himself as if I was the one who did something wrong. I'm supposed to go to him with my deepest hurts for him to listen, see me, validate me and support me. I feel like I am trying to make sense of a senseless thing with him.
I am trying to do this 40 day Love Dare, but truth is, I have been walking in Love for the past 3 years. This book says "practice the patience and that will foster peace"--not so much.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. —Ephesians 4:2 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.
Journal questions: Did anything happen today to cause anger toward your mate? Were you temped to think disapproving thoughts and let them come out in words? How did you handle that?
My responses: First of all it said "say nothing negative" I'm not sure you can explain a hurt and have it not sound negative. But I really tried.
What happened was (a very big deal) and he took no responsibility for his failure yesterday (as usual) to be supportive to me in the way I need him to be. Support he knows I need, but refuses to do it because of his own extreme selfishness. He only responds when that issue that upsets me, affects him. I find myself thinking: "I cannot live with a man who refuses to, or could care less to, fill my basic emotional needs, especially the very important ones (like this one), he knows he should.
I handled it by going to a friend with my hurts, upset and anger. I cannot go to him because he turns it around on me each time, defensing himself as if I was the one who did something wrong. I'm supposed to go to him with my deepest hurts for him to listen, see me, validate me and support me. I feel like I am trying to make sense of a senseless thing with him.
I am trying to do this 40 day Love Dare, but truth is, I have been walking in Love for the past 3 years. This book says "practice the patience and that will foster peace"--not so much.
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Fireproof - The Love Dare
DVD & workbook (left) and The Love Dare Book (right)