11/23/16
Where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. —Ruth 1:16
TODAY’S DARE
Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. Perhaps, if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present. Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God’s eyes and the high honor of being one with your mate.
Day 39: Love endures
11/22/16
Love never fails. —1 Corinthians 13:8
TODAY’S DARE
Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what. Leave it in a place that your mate will find it.
Love never fails. —1 Corinthians 13:8
TODAY’S DARE
Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what. Leave it in a place that your mate will find it.
Day 38: Love fulfills dreams
11/21/16
Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. —Psalm 37:4
TODAY’S DARE
Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possibly can.
He wants a new truck. Although we cannot afford to buy one now, the one he really wants. we can Lease one he likes for 3 years. In 3 years we can revisit the financial situation and maybe then get a new one he really wants. The house is the current goal, so we need to get a car we "like allot" rather than the dream car. I started diligently looking for Leases in the models he wants. And I suggested he call Tom Quirk for direction.
Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. —Psalm 37:4
TODAY’S DARE
Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possibly can.
He wants a new truck. Although we cannot afford to buy one now, the one he really wants. we can Lease one he likes for 3 years. In 3 years we can revisit the financial situation and maybe then get a new one he really wants. The house is the current goal, so we need to get a car we "like allot" rather than the dream car. I started diligently looking for Leases in the models he wants. And I suggested he call Tom Quirk for direction.
37: Love agrees in prayer
11/20/16Day
If two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father. —Matthew 18:19
TODAY’S DARE
Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Talk about the best time to do this, whether it’s in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord. Don’t forget to thank Him for His provision and blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.
If two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father. —Matthew 18:19
TODAY’S DARE
Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Talk about the best time to do this, whether it’s in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord. Don’t forget to thank Him for His provision and blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.
Day 36: Love is God’s Word
11/19/16
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. —Psalm 119:105
TODAY’S DARE
Commit to reading the Bible every day. Find a devotional book or other resource that will give you some guidance. If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to daily Bible reading with you. Begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock.
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. —Psalm 119:105
TODAY’S DARE
Commit to reading the Bible every day. Find a devotional book or other resource that will give you some guidance. If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to daily Bible reading with you. Begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock.
Day 35: Love is accountable
11/18/16
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. —Proverbs 15:22 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
Find a marriage mentor—someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment. During this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. —Proverbs 15:22 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
Find a marriage mentor—someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment. During this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.
Day 34: Love celebrates godliness
11/17/16
[Love] does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. —1 Corinthians 13:6
TODAY’S DARE
Find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way. Verbally commend them for this at some point today.
[Love] does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. —1 Corinthians 13:6
TODAY’S DARE
Find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way. Verbally commend them for this at some point today.
Day 33: Love completes each other
11/16/16
If two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? —Ecclesiastes 4:11
TODAY’S DARE
Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you.
I always do this with everything. But, I made it a point to tell him (as I always do) how I want him to process and make decisions with me. I always make him feel included and his thoughts considered.
TODAY’S DARE
Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you.
I always do this with everything. But, I made it a point to tell him (as I always do) how I want him to process and make decisions with me. I always make him feel included and his thoughts considered.
Day 32: Love meets sexual needs
11/15/16
The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. —1 Corinthians 7:3
TODAY’S DARE
If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your husband or wife today. Do this in a way that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy.
We are not married. I did not do this Dare.
The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. —1 Corinthians 7:3
TODAY’S DARE
If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your husband or wife today. Do this in a way that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy.
We are not married. I did not do this Dare.
Day 31: Love and marriage
11/14/16
A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. —Genesis 2:24
TODAY’S DARE
Is there a “leaving” issue you haven’t been brave enough to conquer yet? Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right. The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it. Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.
My abandonment and neglect issues are my own feelings from this relationship. They are not left-overs from my parents. I've worked through each of my past issues as God brought them to me. I am constantly asking God to bring up an issue for me to deal with if there are any left. God has been showing me that I am here, I have done the work, I am ready, I am walking from glory to glory - but Steve is not here, he has not done the work, he is not ready. We are not evenly yoked. Only God can bring about the "change" in Steve to cause him to hunger and thirst for His righteousness and to begin to act Christ-like.
A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. —Genesis 2:24
TODAY’S DARE
Is there a “leaving” issue you haven’t been brave enough to conquer yet? Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right. The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it. Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.
My abandonment and neglect issues are my own feelings from this relationship. They are not left-overs from my parents. I've worked through each of my past issues as God brought them to me. I am constantly asking God to bring up an issue for me to deal with if there are any left. God has been showing me that I am here, I have done the work, I am ready, I am walking from glory to glory - but Steve is not here, he has not done the work, he is not ready. We are not evenly yoked. Only God can bring about the "change" in Steve to cause him to hunger and thirst for His righteousness and to begin to act Christ-like.
Day 30: Love brings unity
11/13/16
Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are. —John 17:11
TODAY’S DARE
Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.
Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are. —John 17:11
TODAY’S DARE
Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.
Day 29: Love’s motivation
11/12/16
Render service with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to men. —Ephesians 6:7
TODAY’S DARE
Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say “I love you,” then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person—unconditionally, the way He loves both of you.
Render service with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to men. —Ephesians 6:7
TODAY’S DARE
Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say “I love you,” then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person—unconditionally, the way He loves both of you.
Day 28: Love makes sacrifices
11/11/16
He laid down His life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brothers. —1 John 3:16 HCSB
TODAY’S DARE
What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse’s life right now? Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.
He laid down His life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brothers. —1 John 3:16 HCSB
TODAY’S DARE
What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse’s life right now? Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.
Day 27: Love encourages
11/10/16
Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You. —Psalm 25:20
TODAY’S DARE
Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has told you you’re expecting too much, and tell them you’re sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you’ll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love. Day 28: Love makes sacrifices He laid down His life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brothers. —1 John 3:16 HCSB TODAY’S DARE What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse’s life right now? Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.
Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You. —Psalm 25:20
TODAY’S DARE
Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has told you you’re expecting too much, and tell them you’re sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you’ll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love. Day 28: Love makes sacrifices He laid down His life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brothers. —1 John 3:16 HCSB TODAY’S DARE What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse’s life right now? Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.
Priorities
Our Couples Therapist spoke about Priorities yesterday. This is paraphrased.
It's a matter of Priorities.
Figure out your Priorities.
What you do and in what order shows preference.
But what you do not choose to do speaks louder.
Choosing to listen to her, and take a suggestion that benefits the family shows you are choosing her above other things (especially self).
Doing the work he committed to (Love Dare, talking etc).
(Partial list, will keep adding as I recall or take from my notes)
11/9 I suggested again, he not drive in the height of traffic to work, to go get a check where there is plenty of money in the account. I asked him to wait until another day when he goes in for work. Especially considering he already went in one day this week, and i had asked him the same. It's a waste of gas and time when other things are more pressing.
It's a matter of Priorities.
Figure out your Priorities.
What you do and in what order shows preference.
But what you do not choose to do speaks louder.
Choosing to listen to her, and take a suggestion that benefits the family shows you are choosing her above other things (especially self).
Doing the work he committed to (Love Dare, talking etc).
(Partial list, will keep adding as I recall or take from my notes)
11/9 I suggested again, he not drive in the height of traffic to work, to go get a check where there is plenty of money in the account. I asked him to wait until another day when he goes in for work. Especially considering he already went in one day this week, and i had asked him the same. It's a waste of gas and time when other things are more pressing.
Day 26: Love is responsible
11/9/16
When you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things. —Romans 2:1 HCSB
TODAY’S DARE
Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. Ask for God’s forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. Do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.
When you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things. —Romans 2:1 HCSB
TODAY’S DARE
Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. Ask for God’s forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. Do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.
Day 25: Love forgives
11//16
What I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ. —2 Corinthians 2:10
TODAY’S DARE
Whatever you haven’t forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to “forgive us our debts” each day, we must ask Him to help us “forgive our debtors” each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart, “I choose to forgive.”
What did you forgive your spouse for today? How long have you been carrying the weight of it? What are the possibilities now that you've released this matter to God?
What I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ. —2 Corinthians 2:10
TODAY’S DARE
Whatever you haven’t forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to “forgive us our debts” each day, we must ask Him to help us “forgive our debtors” each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart, “I choose to forgive.”
What did you forgive your spouse for today? How long have you been carrying the weight of it? What are the possibilities now that you've released this matter to God?
Day 24: Love vs. Lust
11/7/16
The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever. —1 John 2:17
TODAY’S DARE
End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you’ve swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed—today—and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.
what did you identify as an area of lust? What has this Pursuit cost you overtime? Has it led you away from the person you want to be? Right about your new commitment to see Kim - and to seek your spouse - - rather than seeking after foolish desires.
The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever. —1 John 2:17
TODAY’S DARE
End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you’ve swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed—today—and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.
what did you identify as an area of lust? What has this Pursuit cost you overtime? Has it led you away from the person you want to be? Right about your new commitment to see Kim - and to seek your spouse - - rather than seeking after foolish desires.
Day 23: Love always protects
11/6/16
[Love] always protects. —1 Corinthians 13:7 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that’s stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.
what did you throw out first? Are there others that need to go as well? What do you hope the removal of these things will do for you, your marriage, and your relationship with God?
[Love] always protects. —1 Corinthians 13:7 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that’s stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.
what did you throw out first? Are there others that need to go as well? What do you hope the removal of these things will do for you, your marriage, and your relationship with God?
Who is God's perfect man for me?
I did so many Bible studies on being single and on preparing to be a good wife. See the list of links in the left column--"Books that I have read that have shaped this Blog".
Eric and Leslie Ludy have a inspiring book I read and amazing CD of songs about the perfect man and woman as God created them to be to each other. I began in 2001 praying for my husband wherever he was.
Get the CD
Get the books
The man that the Lord has for me is His perfect match. “If you give God the pen to your life, He will write you the most amazing love story. Far beyond my deepest heart's desire. Far beyond whatever I could dream. Far beyond my fairy-tale imagination, is Your perfect plan for me” (Eric and Leslie Ludy.)
So, who is he?
This man knows and loves the Lord. He is someone who will talk about all things with me and confide in me. He is my best friend and knows me better than anyone; including the secrets of my heart that only God knows. Words are not needed to understand each other, as he is in tune with my soul: my mind, my will and my emotions. He accepts my faults and loves me unconditionally. I can be my true self; completely and freely. He knows I'm a work in progress like him and he accepts me exactly as I am.
He is the leader of our family, but he knows how to walk beside me and be my equal. He knows I can be independent, but realizes when I am fragile and vulnerable; I am completely safe with him. He wants to attain goals, have an abundant future, loves children and has a heart for my son. He loves to laugh and be silly, but knows when to be serious. Like my father showed me a man should be: he is protective, gentle, kind, tender, loving, humble, sincere, loyal, compassionate, patient, understanding, confident and is a man of integrity. I always feel special when I am around him because I am the focus of his attention and when we are together the world fades away; he captivates me.
He treats me as the Princess in God's kingdom that I am. Honoring and defending me, he is the one I trust enough to cry with. When I enter a room he guides me by the small of my back...
Eric and Leslie Ludy have a inspiring book I read and amazing CD of songs about the perfect man and woman as God created them to be to each other. I began in 2001 praying for my husband wherever he was.
Get the CD
Faithfully
Get the books
When Dreams Come True
When God Writes Your Love Story
The man that the Lord has for me is His perfect match. “If you give God the pen to your life, He will write you the most amazing love story. Far beyond my deepest heart's desire. Far beyond whatever I could dream. Far beyond my fairy-tale imagination, is Your perfect plan for me” (Eric and Leslie Ludy.)
So, who is he?
This man knows and loves the Lord. He is someone who will talk about all things with me and confide in me. He is my best friend and knows me better than anyone; including the secrets of my heart that only God knows. Words are not needed to understand each other, as he is in tune with my soul: my mind, my will and my emotions. He accepts my faults and loves me unconditionally. I can be my true self; completely and freely. He knows I'm a work in progress like him and he accepts me exactly as I am.
He is the leader of our family, but he knows how to walk beside me and be my equal. He knows I can be independent, but realizes when I am fragile and vulnerable; I am completely safe with him. He wants to attain goals, have an abundant future, loves children and has a heart for my son. He loves to laugh and be silly, but knows when to be serious. Like my father showed me a man should be: he is protective, gentle, kind, tender, loving, humble, sincere, loyal, compassionate, patient, understanding, confident and is a man of integrity. I always feel special when I am around him because I am the focus of his attention and when we are together the world fades away; he captivates me.
He treats me as the Princess in God's kingdom that I am. Honoring and defending me, he is the one I trust enough to cry with. When I enter a room he guides me by the small of my back...
Cornerstones & Foundations of a Healthy Relationship
I diligently sought after God's design for a loving relationship, doing every bible study I could get my hands on, and sitting in Therapy working hard on developing myself. I also have read lots of Healthy Relationship books. I've complied a list of attributes I personally agree are the benchmarks of a true, mature and committed relationship.
Below are the Cornerstones and Foundation of a healthy relationship. You need a solid foundation to place these Cornerstones, which are key components. Without either, a relationship will be weak and can easily crumble.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful. It is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude. It does not dishonor others, it is not selfish or self-seeking, it is not provoked, it is not easily angered, it forgives; it keeps no record of wrongs. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
"A long-term relationship is best built on a solid Foundation, one able to offer strong support for the challenges the years to come will inevitably hold."
The Foundation
Definition - "an underlying basis or principle for something."
-Shared morals and values
-Compatible life goals and dreams, a shared Vision
-Common interests
-Financial Budget
-Spiritual compatibility
The 7 Cornerstones:
Definition -"an important quality or feature on which a particular thing depends or is based"
The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5:2 to Walk in Love.
"Say the “hard things” from love.
Become aware of the hard things that you’re not talking about. How does that feel? No matter what you’re feeling in a situation, channel the energy of your emotions so that you say what you need to say in a constructive manner."
Communication
-Effective and active listening
-Empathetic listening skills
-Problem Solving
-Conflict Resolution
-Fair fighting
Love
-Love is a Verb, it's an action
-Fluent in all 5 Love Languages
-Romance
-Appreciation
-Investment
-Honor
-Edification
Responsibility
-Accountable for behaviors and actions
-Acknowledges past use of violence
-Admits being wrong
-Reliable
Honesty
-loyalty
-Integrity
-Truthful, open, clear and direct communication
-Able to be vulnerable; honest about being scared or insecure
-Willing to admit and accept differences
Respect
-Maintains clear boundaries
-Nurtures the needs and wants of their partner, themselves, and the relationship
-Respects others’ rights to their own feelings, friends and activities
-Trusts and believes in their partner
-Values intimacy
Cooperation
-Works together to solve problems
-Negotiates and compromises
-Doesn’t always have to be “right”
-Willing to see the other side of issues
Support & Affirmation
-Values others’ opinions
-Listens non-judgmentally
-supports emotionally
-Encourages mutual growth
Partnership
-Offers commitment
-Makes decisions jointly
-Flexible in roles
-Interdependent instead of dependent
Below are the Cornerstones and Foundation of a healthy relationship. You need a solid foundation to place these Cornerstones, which are key components. Without either, a relationship will be weak and can easily crumble.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful. It is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude. It does not dishonor others, it is not selfish or self-seeking, it is not provoked, it is not easily angered, it forgives; it keeps no record of wrongs. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
"A long-term relationship is best built on a solid Foundation, one able to offer strong support for the challenges the years to come will inevitably hold."
The Foundation
Definition - "an underlying basis or principle for something."
-Shared morals and values
-Compatible life goals and dreams, a shared Vision
-Common interests
-Financial Budget
-Spiritual compatibility
The 7 Cornerstones:
Definition -"an important quality or feature on which a particular thing depends or is based"
The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5:2 to Walk in Love.
"Say the “hard things” from love.
Become aware of the hard things that you’re not talking about. How does that feel? No matter what you’re feeling in a situation, channel the energy of your emotions so that you say what you need to say in a constructive manner."
Communication
-Effective and active listening
-Empathetic listening skills
-Problem Solving
-Conflict Resolution
-Fair fighting
Love
-Love is a Verb, it's an action
-Fluent in all 5 Love Languages
-Romance
-Appreciation
-Investment
-Honor
-Edification
Responsibility
-Accountable for behaviors and actions
-Acknowledges past use of violence
-Admits being wrong
-Reliable
Honesty
-loyalty
-Integrity
-Truthful, open, clear and direct communication
-Able to be vulnerable; honest about being scared or insecure
-Willing to admit and accept differences
Respect
-Maintains clear boundaries
-Nurtures the needs and wants of their partner, themselves, and the relationship
-Respects others’ rights to their own feelings, friends and activities
-Trusts and believes in their partner
-Values intimacy
Cooperation
-Works together to solve problems
-Negotiates and compromises
-Doesn’t always have to be “right”
-Willing to see the other side of issues
Support & Affirmation
-Values others’ opinions
-Listens non-judgmentally
-supports emotionally
-Encourages mutual growth
Partnership
-Offers commitment
-Makes decisions jointly
-Flexible in roles
-Interdependent instead of dependent
Day 22: Love is faithful
11/5/16
I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord. —Hosea 2:20
TODAY’S DARE
Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, “I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don’t love me in return.”
Journal Questions:
why is this kind of love and possible without the love of Christ beating in your heart? How does his presence within you enable you to love, even when it's primarily one-sided?
My responses:
I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord. —Hosea 2:20
TODAY’S DARE
Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, “I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don’t love me in return.”
Journal Questions:
why is this kind of love and possible without the love of Christ beating in your heart? How does his presence within you enable you to love, even when it's primarily one-sided?
My responses:
Day 21: Love is satisfied in God *
11/4/16
The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire. —Isaiah 58:11
TODAY’S DARE
Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thirty-one—a full month’s supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.
Journal Questions:
how do you think spending time daily with God will change your situation in perspective? How can you make him a bigger part of your day?
My responses:
The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire. —Isaiah 58:11
TODAY’S DARE
Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thirty-one—a full month’s supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.
Journal Questions:
how do you think spending time daily with God will change your situation in perspective? How can you make him a bigger part of your day?
My responses:
Day 20: Love is Jesus Christ
11/3/16
While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. —Romans 5:6
TODAY’S DARE
Dare to take God at His Word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, “Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace.”
Journal Questions:
Write about what this experience has been like for you. Even if you are only renewing your commitment to receive an express his love, what has He shown you today?
My responses:
I said this prayer for the first time Aug 9, 1999. It was like a seed was planted in my heart and I watered it, I tended it. I sought after God's heart to change my life from what it was. I immersed myself in Worship CD's and did every Bible Study I could get my hands on. I became a Born Again Christian and I became single and celibate for the next 5 years. I dated B and became pregnant. After I had Zachary, I again remained Celibate and did not date again until 8 years later.
What he has shown me today is that He is proud of me. I have changed, I have put in the work, the effort, the investment. I have shown my loyalty, even though I had my rough patches of back sliding. My son knows the Lord, he is invested, he prays. I am a good Teacher of His word and a good witness with my life. I am a blessing to others in His name and I am bearing good fruits. Most importantly, I stand firm on His word.
While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. —Romans 5:6
TODAY’S DARE
Dare to take God at His Word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, “Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace.”
Journal Questions:
Write about what this experience has been like for you. Even if you are only renewing your commitment to receive an express his love, what has He shown you today?
My responses:
I said this prayer for the first time Aug 9, 1999. It was like a seed was planted in my heart and I watered it, I tended it. I sought after God's heart to change my life from what it was. I immersed myself in Worship CD's and did every Bible Study I could get my hands on. I became a Born Again Christian and I became single and celibate for the next 5 years. I dated B and became pregnant. After I had Zachary, I again remained Celibate and did not date again until 8 years later.
What he has shown me today is that He is proud of me. I have changed, I have put in the work, the effort, the investment. I have shown my loyalty, even though I had my rough patches of back sliding. My son knows the Lord, he is invested, he prays. I am a good Teacher of His word and a good witness with my life. I am a blessing to others in His name and I am bearing good fruits. Most importantly, I stand firm on His word.
Day 19: Love is impossible
11/2/16
Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. —1 John 4:7
TODAY’S DARE
Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.
Journal Questions:
What do you believe God is saying to you? Is this a stirring in your heart? What decision have you made in response to this?
My responses:
None of the days were "impossible" however, the first couple were hard only because it was when I gave the birds away and Steve was so cold and distant. This is how he has been most of our relationship. I pressed and loved unconditionally (regardless if he deserved it or not) So, I am now growing weary because there is still (after 3 years) very little reciprocation. What is stirring in my heart isn't a good thought. I recognize the difference between God's command to "love unconditionally" and love being agape or romantic. I can love him unconditionally, but I don't feel the romantic love very much anymore.
Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. —1 John 4:7
TODAY’S DARE
Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.
Journal Questions:
What do you believe God is saying to you? Is this a stirring in your heart? What decision have you made in response to this?
My responses:
None of the days were "impossible" however, the first couple were hard only because it was when I gave the birds away and Steve was so cold and distant. This is how he has been most of our relationship. I pressed and loved unconditionally (regardless if he deserved it or not) So, I am now growing weary because there is still (after 3 years) very little reciprocation. What is stirring in my heart isn't a good thought. I recognize the difference between God's command to "love unconditionally" and love being agape or romantic. I can love him unconditionally, but I don't feel the romantic love very much anymore.
Day 18: Love seeks to understand
11/1/16
How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding. —Proverbs 3:13
TODAY’S DARE
Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.
Journal Questions:
What did you learn about your spouse that you didn't know before? How could you continue this process of discovery in other ways, and other times? What were some of the moments that made this evening memorable?
My responses:
I didn't do this dinner part. I will plan to do it next available night.
However, I always engage him in conversation when he is telling me things, I use "interview" questions, trying to learn all I can/ I am interested and show me that I am with my body language and my words.
How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding. —Proverbs 3:13
TODAY’S DARE
Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.
Journal Questions:
What did you learn about your spouse that you didn't know before? How could you continue this process of discovery in other ways, and other times? What were some of the moments that made this evening memorable?
My responses:
However, I always engage him in conversation when he is telling me things, I use "interview" questions, trying to learn all I can/ I am interested and show me that I am with my body language and my words.
Day 17: Love promotes intimacy
10/31/16
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. —Proverbs 17:9 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.
Journal Questions:
Given that the safer people feel, the more they open up, what does this say about your marriage in the past? How hard is it for you to listen and hold back from saying something, critical or otherwise? What have you learned about your spouse today, simply from listening?
My responses:
I did half of this. I've never told his Secrets and I don't gossip. I prayed today, as I always do, for his priorities, his relationship, his future wife, his fathehood.
We don't really communicate; whether it's good or bad. He doesn't share many things with me for me to practice this. But, when he does tell me things and/or secrets I am always engaging, encouraging, edifying and supportive. I try to use godly correction according to God's word.
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. —Proverbs 17:9 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.
Journal Questions:
Given that the safer people feel, the more they open up, what does this say about your marriage in the past? How hard is it for you to listen and hold back from saying something, critical or otherwise? What have you learned about your spouse today, simply from listening?
My responses:
I did half of this. I've never told his Secrets and I don't gossip. I prayed today, as I always do, for his priorities, his relationship, his future wife, his fathehood.
We don't really communicate; whether it's good or bad. He doesn't share many things with me for me to practice this. But, when he does tell me things and/or secrets I am always engaging, encouraging, edifying and supportive. I try to use godly correction according to God's word.
Day 16: Love intercedes
10/30/16
Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. —3 John 2
TODAY’S DARE
Begin praying today for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.
Journal Questions:
How have you experienced the power of Prayer in the past? What did you choose to pray about? Was it easy for you, or did it feel foreign to you?
My responses:
I pray for him every day, or almost every day. I pray for him whenever he comes upon my heart. I did the 31 Days of Prayer for My Husband with Proverbs 31 Wife last month. I pray all the time before our issues get big. It comes easily, it's not foreign at all. I prayed about: His ability to walk in love, his priorities and his responsibilities.
Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. —3 John 2
TODAY’S DARE
Begin praying today for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.
Journal Questions:
How have you experienced the power of Prayer in the past? What did you choose to pray about? Was it easy for you, or did it feel foreign to you?
My responses:
I pray for him every day, or almost every day. I pray for him whenever he comes upon my heart. I did the 31 Days of Prayer for My Husband with Proverbs 31 Wife last month. I pray all the time before our issues get big. It comes easily, it's not foreign at all. I prayed about: His ability to walk in love, his priorities and his responsibilities.
Day 15: Love is honorable
10/29/16
Live with your wives in an understanding way... and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life. —1 Peter 3:7
TODAY’S DARE
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.
Journal Questions:
How did you choose to show on honor? What was the result? What are some other ways you could demonstrate honor in the coming days?
My responses:
I always do this. I engage in conversation, turn off anything: TV, phone, and I ask questions, I engaged and I feel with him.
Live with your wives in an understanding way... and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life. —1 Peter 3:7
TODAY’S DARE
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.
Journal Questions:
How did you choose to show on honor? What was the result? What are some other ways you could demonstrate honor in the coming days?
My responses:
I always do this. I engage in conversation, turn off anything: TV, phone, and I ask questions, I engaged and I feel with him.
Day 14: Love takes delight
10/28/16
Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life. —Ecclesiastes 9:9 HCSB
TODAY’S DARE
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just be together.
Journal Questions:
What did you decide to give up? What did you do together? How did it go? What new thing did you learn or we learned about you spouse?
My responses: I gave up staying out of the bedroom and keeping busy to avoid him. Like I did yesterday. Although last night it was cleaning organizing and writing update 13 rules of fighting Fair because he's not really ready to and has been asked several times how did it go? We didn't talk we were on two sides of the bed I gave him the opportunity to talk to me because my last words were an email he refused to respond to me
Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life. —Ecclesiastes 9:9 HCSB
TODAY’S DARE
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just be together.
Journal Questions:
What did you decide to give up? What did you do together? How did it go? What new thing did you learn or we learned about you spouse?
My responses: I gave up staying out of the bedroom and keeping busy to avoid him. Like I did yesterday. Although last night it was cleaning organizing and writing update 13 rules of fighting Fair because he's not really ready to and has been asked several times how did it go? We didn't talk we were on two sides of the bed I gave him the opportunity to talk to me because my last words were an email he refused to respond to me
Day 13: Love fights fair (rules)
10/27/16
If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. —Mark 3:25
TODAY’S DARE
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.
Journal Questions:
If your spouse participate with you, what was their response? What rules did you write for yourself?
My responses:
I began my "fighting fair" rules way back 4 months ago when at Couples Therapy we decided to create the rules. It had been talked about for about 6 months by then already. I have brought it up to Steve several times, he never engages in creating the list.
This list is under "Construction" - additions, changes and deletions etc.
- No procrastinations. We practice the preventative, proactive and restorative approach.
- We practice effective listening: active and empathetic listening, problem Solving and conflict Resolution
- Time-Out - We get a time out if we get too heated, but must come back to the discussion that night.
- No Blow-Offs. If we both agree to set it for another night, we can, but must follow through -- no sweeping it under the carpet.
- We are allowed to express and show emotions--they are supported NOT yelled at.
- We are allowed to disagree and need to come to a resolution we both agree on, and follow through.
- We are allowed to remind each other to enforce these rules / or rules being broken.
- We never walk out on the other and don't come back.
- No holding back, issues are discussed immediately, or soon after a disagreement or a day set - and it's stuck to.
- No extreme defensiveness--explanations are allowed.
- Maybe set a time frame so we don't go on for hours.
- Hear each other out completely. No one gets shut down or ignored.
- EACH person must contribute and invest. (No blaming for "talking at" since both sides talk.)
- It's a safe place where we are able to express ourselves and our issues and be accepted.
- No refusing to talk, dismissing, ignoring.
- No acting out to shut the other one down or aggressive behavior.
"When you intentionally injure your partner, it’s like saying, “You are not safe with me. I will do whatever it takes to defend and protect myself or to win.”
Definitions: Name-calling vs. Naming a behavior.
Name-calling is a negative nasty name that's intended to hurt or get someone to shut down, an untruth by action. ie DB, loser, piece of crap.
However, naming a behavior is NOT the same as name-calling and can be used to define the way a person is indeed acting.
i.e.
Jerk: being rude, ignoring you, acting.
Irresponsible: He didn't pay his bills.
Immature: acting child like, defiant, argumentative for no good reason.
Insensitive: Not validating your hurt feelings and acting compassionate.
If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. —Mark 3:25
TODAY’S DARE
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.
Journal Questions:
If your spouse participate with you, what was their response? What rules did you write for yourself?
My responses:
I began my "fighting fair" rules way back 4 months ago when at Couples Therapy we decided to create the rules. It had been talked about for about 6 months by then already. I have brought it up to Steve several times, he never engages in creating the list.
This list is under "Construction" - additions, changes and deletions etc.
- No procrastinations. We practice the preventative, proactive and restorative approach.
- We practice effective listening: active and empathetic listening, problem Solving and conflict Resolution
- Time-Out - We get a time out if we get too heated, but must come back to the discussion that night.
- No Blow-Offs. If we both agree to set it for another night, we can, but must follow through -- no sweeping it under the carpet.
- We are allowed to express and show emotions--they are supported NOT yelled at.
- We are allowed to disagree and need to come to a resolution we both agree on, and follow through.
- We are allowed to remind each other to enforce these rules / or rules being broken.
- We never walk out on the other and don't come back.
- No holding back, issues are discussed immediately, or soon after a disagreement or a day set - and it's stuck to.
- No extreme defensiveness--explanations are allowed.
- Maybe set a time frame so we don't go on for hours.
- Hear each other out completely. No one gets shut down or ignored.
- EACH person must contribute and invest. (No blaming for "talking at" since both sides talk.)
- It's a safe place where we are able to express ourselves and our issues and be accepted.
- No refusing to talk, dismissing, ignoring.
- No acting out to shut the other one down or aggressive behavior.
"When you intentionally injure your partner, it’s like saying, “You are not safe with me. I will do whatever it takes to defend and protect myself or to win.”
Definitions: Name-calling vs. Naming a behavior.
Name-calling is a negative nasty name that's intended to hurt or get someone to shut down, an untruth by action. ie DB, loser, piece of crap.
However, naming a behavior is NOT the same as name-calling and can be used to define the way a person is indeed acting.
i.e.
Jerk: being rude, ignoring you, acting.
Irresponsible: He didn't pay his bills.
Immature: acting child like, defiant, argumentative for no good reason.
Insensitive: Not validating your hurt feelings and acting compassionate.
Day 12: Love lets the other win
10/26/16
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. —Philippians 2:4
TODAY’S DARE
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.
Journal Questions:
What issue did you choose? What did giving in cost you? How will this help you in the future?
My responses: Being left out of J's birthday night. I didn't tell him and kept it to myself. It really hurt me that he didn't invite me to dinner before the game. Regardless if he thought I'd go he didn't even ask and that hurt me deeply he did this that says his 21st birthday as well. Didn't invite me. But his whole family and friends went. He doesn't make plans making sure it includes, or ask me to help with plans or anything--he always pushes me aside.
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. —Philippians 2:4
TODAY’S DARE
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.
Journal Questions:
What issue did you choose? What did giving in cost you? How will this help you in the future?
My responses: Being left out of J's birthday night. I didn't tell him and kept it to myself. It really hurt me that he didn't invite me to dinner before the game. Regardless if he thought I'd go he didn't even ask and that hurt me deeply he did this that says his 21st birthday as well. Didn't invite me. But his whole family and friends went. He doesn't make plans making sure it includes, or ask me to help with plans or anything--he always pushes me aside.
Day 11: Love cherishes
10/25/16
Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. —Ephesians 5:28
TODAY’S DARE
What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.
Journal Questions: How did you choose to show that you cherish your mate? What did you learn from this experience
My responses:
I appreciated his gesture of coffee and the card, letting him know how much it meant to me--sincerely looking in his eyes and saying it. Also, that I appreciate it even though the book day 3 he's on told him to do it. When he pulled me to the side of his body and rubbed his chest. I have been holding back touch from him because he's never responded or reciprocated. So I've been feeling extremely rejected. I fought the urge to not touch him tonight and I did choose to do the unconditional love Way--based on my commitment to love him.
I know I could do it even if I didn't feel like it, because it's what he may have needed to feel cherished.
Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. —Ephesians 5:28
TODAY’S DARE
What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.
Journal Questions: How did you choose to show that you cherish your mate? What did you learn from this experience
My responses:
I appreciated his gesture of coffee and the card, letting him know how much it meant to me--sincerely looking in his eyes and saying it. Also, that I appreciate it even though the book day 3 he's on told him to do it. When he pulled me to the side of his body and rubbed his chest. I have been holding back touch from him because he's never responded or reciprocated. So I've been feeling extremely rejected. I fought the urge to not touch him tonight and I did choose to do the unconditional love Way--based on my commitment to love him.
I know I could do it even if I didn't feel like it, because it's what he may have needed to feel cherished.
Day 10: Love is unconditional
10/24/16
God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. —Romans 5:8
TODAY’S DARE
Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse—something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.
Journal Questions: Has your luck typically been based on your spouse's attributes and behavior, or have you based instead on your own commitment? How can you continue to show love when it's not returned in the way you hoped for?
My responses: I always do this, love unconditionally based on my own commitment. It's not based on "how I feel" or "what he's done". If it were based solely on what he's done, I'd be showing very little love. I don't have to choose to do it (most of the time), it's natural.
I went up the prayer without asking him and when I went up and prayed for them while they were praying with Pastor, even though he didn't invite me to come up with them after church. That was automatic, led by the spirit because of who I am.
--also I didn't tell him that day I felt left out, I didn't tell him until a week later when I listed many times he's left me out of important things.
God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. —Romans 5:8
TODAY’S DARE
Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse—something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.
Journal Questions: Has your luck typically been based on your spouse's attributes and behavior, or have you based instead on your own commitment? How can you continue to show love when it's not returned in the way you hoped for?
My responses: I always do this, love unconditionally based on my own commitment. It's not based on "how I feel" or "what he's done". If it were based solely on what he's done, I'd be showing very little love. I don't have to choose to do it (most of the time), it's natural.
I went up the prayer without asking him and when I went up and prayed for them while they were praying with Pastor, even though he didn't invite me to come up with them after church. That was automatic, led by the spirit because of who I am.
--also I didn't tell him that day I felt left out, I didn't tell him until a week later when I listed many times he's left me out of important things.
Day 9: Love makes good impressions
10/23/16
Greet one another with a kiss of love. —1 Peter 5:14
TODAY’S DARE
Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.
Journal Questions:
When and where did you choose to do your special greeting? How did your mate respond to a? How do you change your greeting from this point on?
My responses: I already do this. I already say "hi honey" and go to kiss him. But he's been coming out to greet me (getting bags or standing there hands on hips waiting for a kiss--as if I've forgotten him) I've been letting him hug me longer even though I feel that's for show.
His lack of enthusiasm, passion or desire for me is taking a toll on me mentally and emotionally. It has "dulled my shine" and brought my "burning passion of fire to a mere flicker." So, I feel bitter and resentful. The text messages niceties, "thank you" and "your welcome" are feeling superficial I don't feel included or appreciated, rather, I feel placated.
Greet one another with a kiss of love. —1 Peter 5:14
TODAY’S DARE
Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.
Journal Questions:
When and where did you choose to do your special greeting? How did your mate respond to a? How do you change your greeting from this point on?
My responses: I already do this. I already say "hi honey" and go to kiss him. But he's been coming out to greet me (getting bags or standing there hands on hips waiting for a kiss--as if I've forgotten him) I've been letting him hug me longer even though I feel that's for show.
His lack of enthusiasm, passion or desire for me is taking a toll on me mentally and emotionally. It has "dulled my shine" and brought my "burning passion of fire to a mere flicker." So, I feel bitter and resentful. The text messages niceties, "thank you" and "your welcome" are feeling superficial I don't feel included or appreciated, rather, I feel placated.
Day 8: Love is not jealous
10/22/16
Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. —Song of Solomon 8:6 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
Journal Questions:
How hard was it to destroy the list? What are some positive experiences that you can celebrate in the life of your mate? How can you encourage them toward future successes?
My responses: I told Steve how proud I was of him for how we handled J and the "talk: and punishments. I can keep praising him and encouraging him to repair his relationship with Devin and Caitlynn and encourage right and good things (and not drugs and irresponsibility). And I am already doing this.
Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. —Song of Solomon 8:6 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
Journal Questions:
How hard was it to destroy the list? What are some positive experiences that you can celebrate in the life of your mate? How can you encourage them toward future successes?
My responses: I told Steve how proud I was of him for how we handled J and the "talk: and punishments. I can keep praising him and encouraging him to repair his relationship with Devin and Caitlynn and encourage right and good things (and not drugs and irresponsibility). And I am already doing this.
Day 7: Love believes the best
10 21 16
Love believes all things, hopes all things. —1 Corinthians 13:7
TODAY’S DARE
For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.
Journal Questions: Which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about your thoughts? What attribute did you think your spouse for having?
My responses
The Negative things list was easier to make because there are a lot of things broken and our relationship. There are a lot of things that I wish were in the positive column.
What it revealed about my thoughts is: I have a lot more unhappy and negative things to focus on then positive things. It also revealed that Steve has a lot of work to do in order to put our relationship in the place that it should be. I find myself more frustrated going through this love dare because I'm doing the majority of the things and have been already.
I thanked him for allowing me to rescue animals during therapy last week and for allowing me to buy the things that we need for this house without question.
Positive: Works hard
Good provider
Allows me to spend money without questioning me
helpful to outsiders
handsome
desires to be healthy
Flexible with work guys
Financially pays for children, ex-wife and mother-in-law
Helps ex-mother-in-law
Is trying to learn how to fix things with the car
Allows me to rescue and rehome animals
Is a work in progress
Likes the music I like and going to music shows
Love believes all things, hopes all things. —1 Corinthians 13:7
TODAY’S DARE
For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.
Journal Questions: Which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about your thoughts? What attribute did you think your spouse for having?
My responses
The Negative things list was easier to make because there are a lot of things broken and our relationship. There are a lot of things that I wish were in the positive column.
What it revealed about my thoughts is: I have a lot more unhappy and negative things to focus on then positive things. It also revealed that Steve has a lot of work to do in order to put our relationship in the place that it should be. I find myself more frustrated going through this love dare because I'm doing the majority of the things and have been already.
I thanked him for allowing me to rescue animals during therapy last week and for allowing me to buy the things that we need for this house without question.
Positive: Works hard
Good provider
Allows me to spend money without questioning me
helpful to outsiders
handsome
desires to be healthy
Flexible with work guys
Financially pays for children, ex-wife and mother-in-law
Helps ex-mother-in-law
Is trying to learn how to fix things with the car
Allows me to rescue and rehome animals
Is a work in progress
Likes the music I like and going to music shows
Day 6: Love is not irritable
10/20/16
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. —Proverbs 16:32
TODAY’S DARE
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Journal questions: Where do you need to add margin (space to do things you don't get to) to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it? Consider what things you should say "no" to, so that you can be free to prioritize the "best things". What decisions have you made today?
My responses: I've already added margins. I put Steve and our family first, always. Everyday I look for ways to strengthen our bond and to fix what's broken with him, and recently started the Love Dare and we're doing "Saving Your Marriage before It Starts" workbook. I've carved out time each day to build and sustain my relationship with God with worship music, teaching tapes and Bible studies.
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. —Proverbs 16:32
TODAY’S DARE
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Journal questions: Where do you need to add margin (space to do things you don't get to) to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it? Consider what things you should say "no" to, so that you can be free to prioritize the "best things". What decisions have you made today?
My responses: I've already added margins. I put Steve and our family first, always. Everyday I look for ways to strengthen our bond and to fix what's broken with him, and recently started the Love Dare and we're doing "Saving Your Marriage before It Starts" workbook. I've carved out time each day to build and sustain my relationship with God with worship music, teaching tapes and Bible studies.
Day 5: Love is not rude
10/19/16 (on hold for him to catch up)
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. —Proverbs 27:14
TODAY’S DARE
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
What things did us both point out about you that need your attention? How did you handle hearing it? What do you plan to do to improve these areas?
1. How he treats my son and I.
2. No follow through on what he says he will do.
3. Refusee to accept suggestions: Ignores, inflexible, stubborn
I created my list. He has not. Our Couple's Therapist asked me to wait for him to catch up and have this done and talked about by 10/27 visit.
10/27 he still has not done this. (She had to postpone until Tue 11/1). 11/9 he has still not done it.
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. —Proverbs 27:14
TODAY’S DARE
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
What things did us both point out about you that need your attention? How did you handle hearing it? What do you plan to do to improve these areas?
1. How he treats my son and I.
2. No follow through on what he says he will do.
3. Refusee to accept suggestions: Ignores, inflexible, stubborn
I created my list. He has not. Our Couple's Therapist asked me to wait for him to catch up and have this done and talked about by 10/27 visit.
10/27 he still has not done this. (She had to postpone until Tue 11/1). 11/9 he has still not done it.
Day 4: Love is thoughtful
10/18/16
How precious also are Your thoughts to me. How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. —Psalm 139:17–18
TODAY’S DARE
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Journal questions: What did you learn about yourself or your spouse by doing this today? How could this become a more natural, routine, and genuinely helpful part of your lifestyle?
My responses: It already is. I didn't do this Love Dare today because I am consumed in sadness over the loss of my birds from several days ago. He has offered no support, has not even checked in with me to see if I was ok. I am trying to rise above this, but I cannot (right now). I feel all alone.
Several days later on a Sat I did this Love Dare. I checked in on him several times on text asking how he was doing. A situation arose with his son and inappropriate cell phone use and activities. He was very upset by it, surprised and hurt. I also made it clear how proud I was of him for how he handled it (taking my advice to remain calm and speak clearly)
How precious also are Your thoughts to me. How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. —Psalm 139:17–18
TODAY’S DARE
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Journal questions: What did you learn about yourself or your spouse by doing this today? How could this become a more natural, routine, and genuinely helpful part of your lifestyle?
My responses: It already is. I didn't do this Love Dare today because I am consumed in sadness over the loss of my birds from several days ago. He has offered no support, has not even checked in with me to see if I was ok. I am trying to rise above this, but I cannot (right now). I feel all alone.
Several days later on a Sat I did this Love Dare. I checked in on him several times on text asking how he was doing. A situation arose with his son and inappropriate cell phone use and activities. He was very upset by it, surprised and hurt. I also made it clear how proud I was of him for how he handled it (taking my advice to remain calm and speak clearly)
Day 3: Love is not selfish
10/17/16
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor. —Romans 12:10
TODAY’S DARE
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you today.”
Journal questions: What did you choose as the gift for your spouse? What happened when you gave it to them? What was their response?
My responses: I bought his favorite Devil Dogs and Cookies. He's come to expect treats and was not surprised. I very often bring back something for him. clothes, treats, anything he needs to show him I'm thinking of him.
Also, I convinced him to buy the Bruins tickets for him and his son, rather than taking me--as an unselfish act, by putting his son's happiness above mine. I know it's more important for his son to go than me, because he'll enjoy it more. But, nonetheless a selfish person would go regardless just to have the dinner and a night out.
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor. —Romans 12:10
TODAY’S DARE
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you today.”
Journal questions: What did you choose as the gift for your spouse? What happened when you gave it to them? What was their response?
My responses: I bought his favorite Devil Dogs and Cookies. He's come to expect treats and was not surprised. I very often bring back something for him. clothes, treats, anything he needs to show him I'm thinking of him.
Also, I convinced him to buy the Bruins tickets for him and his son, rather than taking me--as an unselfish act, by putting his son's happiness above mine. I know it's more important for his son to go than me, because he'll enjoy it more. But, nonetheless a selfish person would go regardless just to have the dinner and a night out.
Day 2: Love is kind
10/16/16
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. —Ephesians 4:32
TODAY’S DARE
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
Journal questions: What discoveries about love did you make today? What specifically did you do in this dare? How did you show kindness? How can you make this a daily habit?"
My responses: Well, I already do practice kindness as a daily habit. And that kindness has gotten me no appreciation, still I continue - but I am growing weary. I had to bake a cake for work. so I baked one for him too. I practiced unconditional (agape) love today with kindness, because I didn't "feel" like doing it and he certainly didn't deserve it after how he's abandoned me emotionally, physically and mentally the past two days.
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. —Ephesians 4:32
TODAY’S DARE
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
Journal questions: What discoveries about love did you make today? What specifically did you do in this dare? How did you show kindness? How can you make this a daily habit?"
My responses: Well, I already do practice kindness as a daily habit. And that kindness has gotten me no appreciation, still I continue - but I am growing weary. I had to bake a cake for work. so I baked one for him too. I practiced unconditional (agape) love today with kindness, because I didn't "feel" like doing it and he certainly didn't deserve it after how he's abandoned me emotionally, physically and mentally the past two days.
Day 1: Love is Patient
10/15/16
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. —Ephesians 4:2 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.
Journal questions: Did anything happen today to cause anger toward your mate? Were you temped to think disapproving thoughts and let them come out in words? How did you handle that?
My responses: First of all it said "say nothing negative" I'm not sure you can explain a hurt and have it not sound negative. But I really tried.
What happened was (a very big deal) and he took no responsibility for his failure yesterday (as usual) to be supportive to me in the way I need him to be. Support he knows I need, but refuses to do it because of his own extreme selfishness. He only responds when that issue that upsets me, affects him. I find myself thinking: "I cannot live with a man who refuses to, or could care less to, fill my basic emotional needs, especially the very important ones (like this one), he knows he should.
I handled it by going to a friend with my hurts, upset and anger. I cannot go to him because he turns it around on me each time, defensing himself as if I was the one who did something wrong. I'm supposed to go to him with my deepest hurts for him to listen, see me, validate me and support me. I feel like I am trying to make sense of a senseless thing with him.
I am trying to do this 40 day Love Dare, but truth is, I have been walking in Love for the past 3 years. This book says "practice the patience and that will foster peace"--not so much.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. —Ephesians 4:2 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.
Journal questions: Did anything happen today to cause anger toward your mate? Were you temped to think disapproving thoughts and let them come out in words? How did you handle that?
My responses: First of all it said "say nothing negative" I'm not sure you can explain a hurt and have it not sound negative. But I really tried.
What happened was (a very big deal) and he took no responsibility for his failure yesterday (as usual) to be supportive to me in the way I need him to be. Support he knows I need, but refuses to do it because of his own extreme selfishness. He only responds when that issue that upsets me, affects him. I find myself thinking: "I cannot live with a man who refuses to, or could care less to, fill my basic emotional needs, especially the very important ones (like this one), he knows he should.
I handled it by going to a friend with my hurts, upset and anger. I cannot go to him because he turns it around on me each time, defensing himself as if I was the one who did something wrong. I'm supposed to go to him with my deepest hurts for him to listen, see me, validate me and support me. I feel like I am trying to make sense of a senseless thing with him.
I am trying to do this 40 day Love Dare, but truth is, I have been walking in Love for the past 3 years. This book says "practice the patience and that will foster peace"--not so much.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Fireproof - The Love Dare
DVD & workbook (left) and The Love Dare Book (right)